Every Precious Stone

Babysitting Co-op (What I learned from Monika and Angie)

2012-01-23T21:58:00.000-05:00

I recently received an email from a new friend. It went something like this:

Hi! I hope you are all having a great day so far. Do any of you have a babysitter you would recommend? My husband and I have been really lazy about looking for a babysitter and haven't gone out on a date night since our daughter has been born. If you know of anyone I would love their contact information. Thanks for your help!

Friend, I feel your pain. As a person with eleven and a half years of motherhood under my belt, I still am a bit lazy about securing babysitters. I'm also mildly ticked off that I am the one that has to secure a babysitter for every date night, but that's a topic for a different post. For this one I will say, but for the intervention of Monika about eleven years ago I would have had far fewer date nights in the history of my marriage.

When my firstborn was about four months old, I started attended a weekly baby playgroup. Monika approached me at one of the meetings to see if I wanted to be part of a babysitting co-op. She reported that a friend of hers had a group with three other families and they swapped babysitting duty on Saturday nights. One night per month each family hosted a babysitting night in their own home. Children from the other families would show up during designated hours and the parents would go out on a date night. Based on this model you'd get three date nights for the price of one night watching kids at home! Monika wanted to use her friend's example and create a babysitting co-op that her family could use.

Besides me, only our friend Angie decided to participate in this with us. The rules we decided on were pretty simple. At the end of every month Monika, Angie, and I would decide which Saturday night each family would host the kids during the next month. On the designated evening, guest children would arrive any time after 6 pm in in their pjs having already been fed dinner and with whatever items they needed for the rest of the night, including bedtime. Parents needed to return by 11 pm to pick up their kids. Viola, free date night.

At the time we started this, each family had one child and they were about 6 months, 10 months, and 1 year old. Starting this early made it easier to get the kids used to going to sleep in a foreign environment--the first few months there were some tears but eventually everyone got used to the situation. Things changed as the children got older and our three families were blessed with additional children. "Feed the kids before arriving" turned into "pizza night". Portable cribs turned into sleeping bags and pillows. But, the general model remained the same.

We were flexible within the basic rule structure we had created. Just say one couple had tickets to a concert and wanted to stay out late-- that was OK if agreed upon in advance. In that particular scenario we decided that the babysitting parents could go to sleep and the concert-going parents could pick their kids up as late as they wanted and lock up when they left.

We created new rules as they were needed. For example, when the first new baby came into the picture we decided that she couldn't stay with the babysitting group until she was old enough to go to sleep at about the same time as her older sibling. That meant that little sister went out with her parents on their date for about six months, until her schedule fit in with the others.

When picking friends for and adventure like this it would be wise to choose carefully. Angie pointed out a huge benefit of this arrangement--that our kids would grow up having other adults to interact with who were trustworthy and shared our values. In the best case scenario as the kids grew up they would have other adults in addition to their own parents to ask important life questions and to seek counsel. Another benefit of picking good friends for the co-op is having the chance to visit with each other on a regular basis. We frequently chatted and visited with the other parents during pick up if it was not too late in the evening. It was fun to connect with others we enjoyed and respected who were in our same stage of life.

Things you might want to discuss with other couples before beginning a babysitting co-op:
Do you have any pets? Have they ever bitten anyone?
Do you have any guns in the house? If so, where are they stored and how are they secured?
Do you drink alcoholic beverages? If so, will you consume them while watching my child? If so, what amount is OK?
Where will the kids sleep? Will boys and girls sleep in the same room or bed? If so, at what age should we agree that boys/girls be separated?
If your chid needs help going to the bathroom, can either parent help or do you prefer the same-sex parent to assist your child?
Is it OK if just one parent watches the kids on babysitting nights or do both parents have to be present?
If a child is misbehaving, what discipline is agreed upon? Timeouts equal to one minute per age of child worked well for us.

Before you talk with other couples I suggest that you work through these issues (and any others that you think of) with your spouse. This ensures that the two of you agree before you bring up sensitive issues with others.

The demise of our wonderful babysitting co-op began when three children were born into the group in a two week period (one family had twins). We went from having four children to having seven, with three infants. One of the couples had local grandparents who were willing to babysit, so they pulled out of the group. Though the other two families were interested in continuing, this began a slow fade that eventually ended our babysitting nights.

We had three great years getting to know little ones and essentially hosting fun play dates one Saturday night per month, while getting the opportunity for an adult date night two other Saturdays. It really was a sweet deal.

"What I learned from _______" posts

2011-10-05T16:26:00.002-04:00

Perimeter, my church, is known for its discipleship program The Journey. I have participated and led groups in the past, but the last time was about five years ago. This year I planned to reenter a Journey group. I had this idea that because I had led a church ministry for four years that now it was time for others to invest in me. I was trying to find a group of women who were "ahead of me"-- more spiritually mature, older, or at least with children older than mine.

My acquaintance (and now friend) Tara sent an email blind carbon copying numerous women, seeking a coleader to her newly forming discipleship group of young moms. She mentioned Titus 2 in her email referring to this passage about how Christians should act (italics added):

Titus 2: 1-8

"But you should talk in a way that is consistent with sound teaching. Tell the older men to be sober, dignified, sensible, and healthy in respect to their faith, love, and patience. Likewise, tell the older women to be reverent in their behavior, teaching what is good, rather than being gossips or addicted to heavy drinking. That way they can mentor young women to love their husbands and children, and to be sensible, morally pure, working at home, kind and submissive to their own husbands, so that God’s word won’t be ridiculed. Likewise, encourage the younger men to be sensible in every way. Offer yourself as a role model of good actions. Show integrity, seriousness, and a sound message that is above criticism when you teach, so that any opponent will be ashamed because they won’t find anything bad to say about us."

Tara was looking for an older woman to be available to the young moms in her group. If she couldn't find a coleader, she asked us to consider coming to the group occasionally. After I had a small chuckle about being an "older woman", I immediately responded to Tara that I did not want to colead the group but would be glad to come in occasionally when a topic of study was of interest to me.

Over the next two weeks I prayed and thought about what group to join, between a couple groups with women who could mentor me. Surprisingly, Tara's group was the group that repeatedly came to mind. I decided to join Tara as coleader and official "older woman"!

It's been very refreshing to get back into The Journey curriculum, and especially to become acquainted with this particular group of women. I've really been enjoying it.

Sometimes during group I think that I have something to say on a topic, but it's not really directly related to the discussion or it would take too much time to explain. So, I've decided to revive my blog and write down some ideas I have or things I have learned. Since most of my wise notions I learned from others, I decided to call these type posts, "What I learned from_______."

So far I am interested in writing on these topics:

What I learned from Monika and Angie
What I learned from Flylady
What I learned from Paul
What I learned from Dave Ramsey
What I learned from Jeanne
What I learned from Jill
What I learned from Nicole
What I learned from Medical Missions Ministries
What I learned from Amy and Johnna
What I learned from Safe Families
What I learned from Joy, indirectly
What I learned from that guy who wrote "The Automatic Millionaire"
What I learned from Grandma

After reading this exciting list of topics, I feel sure you will stay tuned to my blog eagerly awaiting my next post.

Guatemala-Wednesday to Friday update

2011-06-24T08:35:00.010-04:00

This is my Guatemala blog post from June 24:

So far I have not written much about the actual clinics. On Monday we traveled 5 hours into the north section of Guatemala, and once we got off the highway the vegetation was lush and beautiful. For Monday through Wednesday we worked in the area of Guatemala called Malacatan. On Monday afternoon we held clinic at San Pablo, on Tuesday in San Jorge, and on Wednesday in Quetzali. On Wednesday night we traveled back to the ministry center and on Thursday morning we drove about 40 minutes to host a clinic in Amatitlan, which is a Guatemalan county. We saw 91 patients on Monday (I stand corrected from my previous post), 94 on Tuesday, 72 on Wednesday, and 91 on Thursday. Our team of 10 saw a total of 348 patients. It surprised me that we actually saw more patients than the larger team did--they saw a total of 281 patients with their team of 23 or 24.

On Thursday we had the privilege of also hosting an eye clinic. On the preceding days the eye clinic had gone into the field with the other team.

Our teammate Melissa is a pediatrician and she had the opportunity to see patient along with the staff doctors of MMM. It seemed that God brought many children who needed to be seen, and Melissa was there to serve them.

Patients had many different health problems from pain to eye infections, high blood pressure to emotional issues, and the doctors did their best to address their issues with medicines that were available and to give them good counsel. While the patients waited for their prescriptions we had the opportunity to pray with them and share the good news of Jesus. Many of them shared their family and relational issues and it was our privilege to pray for them.

We had team members playing with the Guatemala children, working in the pharmacy, running the prescriptions to and from the pharmacy, and managing the flow of patient from waiting area to the doctor to the counseling stations. We also had people praying for the patients and community. With a small team we all worked hard for the full clinic of about 4 to 6 hours.

Tonight I had the opportunity to visit with my sponsor child again. I have been sponsoring him for about 4 years with a monthly donation and I first had the chance to meet him last summer when I came to Guatemala last summer. This time his brother came with him to meet me. I had a gift of shoes and socks for the brothers. My good friend Laura Powers and family just began sponsoring Luis Renee’s brother Rudi. She sent socks and shoes for Rudi, I had a nice time learning more about them and their daily life in the Guatemalan Gymnastics Academy. They both could possibly be on the Guatemalan Olympics team in the future.

Luis asked for prayer that his father, who is estranged from the family, would grant him permission to compete at the state level. He has qualified but he can’t compete without both parents signing off on it. He also asked prayer for his mom’s job. Her manager is upset with her taking off work to drive her sons to the Gymnastics Academy and she could lose her job. The boys spend weekends at home and weekdays at the Academy.

There is much more that I would love for you to know, but time does not permit. I need to start packing up to head back to Atlanta tomorrow.

If you would consider going with me next year, I would love to hear from you!

Guatemala-Tuesday

2011-06-24T08:10:00.000-04:00

After clinic on Monday evening we ventured deep into the heavy vegetation of the Guatemalan mountains. Beside a corn field there was another ministry center I will call the remote ministry center. It belongs to a group of area churches. I thought it was unusual because it was “in the middle of nowhere” and it had an unexpected set-up with 2 pools and a large covered area. The covered area had a high ceiling and walls on 3 sides. On the fourth side there was no wall; it was simply open to the outdoor pool area. The temperature, the cots, and the sleeping bags were all very comfortable, but I wasn’t a big fan of sleeping in the open air in a malaria-risk area of Guatemala. But I am taking malaria medication, I practically showered in bug repellant, and I only got one bite (on my face!) so I think I will be just fine.

In the morning we awoke to bright sunshine and the sound of birdcalls that we had never heard before. Although it was 5:58 am I felt well-rested. After a peanut butter and jelly sandwich breakfast we had morning devotions at 7 am led by Dr. Hector and Geovani. Hector reminded us that God arranges our circumstances. He told us that people in the villages had been praying for medical care and that our team was truly an answer to their prayers.

I will interject here that the men and women on the staff of MMM are such kind and spiritually mature people, and I am so blessed to know them.

We were asked to provide a short devotional segment led by someone on our volunteer team. I was impressed that 15yo Haley volunteered. She told us about her work at a camp for children and teens with special needs. She had met a camper I will call Jimmy (not his real name). Her brother was assigned to be Jimmy’s buddy for the camp and assist him in any way needed. Jimmy had an interesting habit of giving Haley’s brother instructions such as, “Tell Jimmy to brush his teeth.” Then when her brother actually said, “Jimmy, go brush your teeth,” Jimmy would respond, “No, I’m not going to brush my teeth!” Haley related this to our relationship with God. Sometimes we may desire to read our Bible or pray, for example, and so we say to God, “Tell me to read my Bible.” But then when He nudges us toward our Bible, we frequently say, “No thanks.” She challenged us to be more responsive to the call and voice of God as he speaks to us through prayer and Bible reading. Haley also linked her devotional teaching to Jeremiah 29:11 which says, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future.” This is the Bible verse Paul and I have inscribed on our wedding rings, so I appreciate being reminded of it.

Geovani then continued our devotional time with us discussing the first and second chapters of Luke. It was interesting to note that when Mary was told that she was to become pregnant while unmarried and give birth to the Messiah, she questioned the angel about it and got a response. However, when Zechariah questioned the angel after it was revealed that his “well advanced in years” wife Elizabeth would give birth, he was struck mute. We reflected on the difference in these two responses and we thought that the main difference was their attitude, which God and the angel could discern. I love the part where Mary says something like, “May it be to me as you have said.” I wish I responded to God like that!

We also discussed that Luke addressed the book to the “most excellent Theophilus”. We speculated on the meaning of the name. Someone speculated that “theo” might mean “theology” and “philis” could mean “to study”, so the name could possibly mean, “one who studies theology”. Based on my knowledge of the meaning of my husband’s middle name (Theodore) and the meaning of the city name Philadelphia, I thought maybe it meant “friend of God”. Geovani agreed and theorized that God planned for Luke to address both the book of Luke and Acts to a man named Theophilus to emphasize that the books were to all friends of God.

More on the clinic itself in the next post

Guatemala-Favorite Things & Unusual Stuff

2011-06-23T08:19:00.005-04:00

This is my blog post from June 23:

I decided to ask everyone on the team what their favorite thing is about Guatemala so far. I thought it would be interesting to also ask them about the most unusual thing they had seen or done.

My favorite thing about Guatemala:

(Since the majority of the team named “the people of Guatemala”, I asked them their second favorite thing. It’s in parentheses.)

Susan-When the plane lands. Getting here.

Maia-Connecting with the people. (Stretching my creativity to think of 6 and a half hours of funny stories on the way back to the ministry center.)

Jack-Hearing funny stories on the long car rides to the clinics.

Samantha-The people of Guatemala. (Samantha wasn’t around when I asked for the second favorite thing.)

Bren-If you ever think of an embarrassing story about Jack, I’m sure that will be my favorite thing. My real favorite thing was seeing people be healed and becoming Christians.

Melissa-The people here. (The morning devotions.)

Lori-Meeting the people of Guatemala. (The drive to San Pablo. It was very bumpy.)

Haley-Meeting people in Guatemala. (Haley wasn’t around when I asked for the second favorite thing.)

Jace-Connecting with the people of Guatemala. (The “roller coaster roads”.)

Tracy-Reconnecting with the staff of Medical Missions Ministries and sharing the whole experience with my son Jack.

The most unusual thing about Guatemala:

Susan-I’ve been here many times so nothing seems unusual.

Maia-We had to use a bathroom with the door falling off.

Jack-Tortillas are served with every meal.

Samantha-The bathrooms. (When asked to elaborate she said, “That you had to bring your own toilet paper.”)

Bren-Seeing a man with evil demons inside him.

Melissa-In the clinic I examined a child with a nose mass. It didn’t look like nasal tissue.

Lori-Sleeping outside with the whole team.

Haley-All the physical contact.

Jace-Seeing the miracles.

Tracy-Wild pigs on the side of the road.

Don’t these lists make you want to come with me in the future?!?

Monday Update

2011-06-20T08:10:00.001-04:00

Yesterday the Fellowship Bible Church team and our group met for devotions at 7 am. Dr. Alb led us for two hours in a time of prayer, singing, and teaching, He went over the roles that we would have in the clinic and the purpose of each role. He emphasized that we are using medicines to meet the immediate needs of the people. At the same time we show kindness and compassion toward them by listening attentively and praying with and for them in the counseling stations. Although they likely came into the clinic for a physical need, many also have deep spiritual needs and we have the great privilege of sharing the good news of Jesus with them.

Some things that Dr. Alb taught us during devotion time:

Romans 8:28-All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to his purposes.

Many people come on a mission trip with a list of things to check off and are extremely task-oriented. He wants us to redefine our role during the mission trip to also focus on relationships, not just tasks.

Jeremiah 33:3-Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.

Dr. Alb told us a story about the new ministry center. MMM just dedicated their expansion in May. When I was in Guatemala last summer Dr. Alb shared with me that the ministry is and has committed to stay debt-free. They had already begun building the new structure because God had provided all the funds needed for the building. However, there were many other expenses (primarily furniture and bedding for 24) that had not yet been supplied. For the ministry center to be most effective in housing teams it needed beds and other furniture.

Since the money had not come in for these additional expenses, Dr. Alb was concerned and asked God to lead him regarding this situation. Every day for the next two weeks he awakened early in the morning, which was unusual for him. Finally at the end of the two weeks he experienced something more when he awoke--a response. Dr. Alb felt that God was telling him that when he focused on the things that he did not have or the things he wished he had, that he was not focusing on his relationship with God. Then God led him to the verse Jeremiah 33:3, which I quoted above. God wanted Dr. Alb to focus on Him rather than dwell on what was still needed.

Dr Alb summed up his teaching when he said, “Medicines draw people in. Then we may listen to them, love them, meet their needs, and teach them.” This would be following the model of how Jesus loved and taught people when he was in the world.

We were about to head out to run a clinic in a rural Guatemalan village, and Dr. Alb finished up the devotional time reminding us of these verses from 1 Corinthians 2:1-5:

When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power so that your faith would not rest on men’s wisdom but on God’s power.

What a great passage to keep in mind as we go out into the village!

An update from later in the day:

We saw 81 people in clinic today. I met with 8 people in the counseling station where I prayed for their needs if they wanted me to do so. All of them did want prayer, and one person particularly made an impression on me. He was out of work and his wife an 5 children did not have any reliable income. He had an accident (fell from a tree during work) and had several injuries, some serious. While his immediate injuries had healed he still had much pain as a result of this accident. Four of his children had pneumonia and he didn’t have any money to pay for their medical care. He wasn’t able to provide much food for the family so he frequently let them each while he did not eat. He said that he had been praying for a Bible because he wanted to learn more about God. He had a few parts of the Bible but not the entirety. I was so disappointed that we did not have Spanish Bibles on hand at this clinic. I’d really value your prayers for this man and his family.

An update from Wednesday:

We just returned from spending Monday - Wednesday hosting clinics in rural villages. I will try to post additional information on our activities and what I have learned tomorrow.

Sunday Activities

2011-06-19T08:02:00.019-04:00

This is my Guatemala blog post from Sunday, June 19:

At home I have a doggie doorbell, with my golden retriever Samson alerting me of anyone on the front porch or even remotely nearby. Here in Guatemala I don’t have a doggie doorbell, but I do have a doggie alarm clock. Unfortunately this particular clock seems to be malfunctioning. The barking did sound at my wake up time but also at T-90 minutes as well as a few times in between.

Except for the morning barking, Nina and Stark are well-behaved German Shepherds, and a nice addition to the Ministry Center. To me they are big versions of Pepper, my childhood pet.

Today the team’s main priorities were to worship at church and to visit an orphanage.

At 8 am a big, yellow school bus arrived to pick us all up for church. We are here with another team from Fellowship Bible Church in the Atlanta area so we have a big group of 33 or 34 volunteers plus MMM staff. I was glad Jack and I snagged the front seat of the bus due to my motion sickness issues. (Happily, I’ve done very well so far.) As we rode along, Jack noticed that there was a metal plate attached to the front of the bus with information--and it said that the bus was made in Lafayette, Georgia. I guess the bus had traveled just as far as we had to be here!

The Alb’s home church is Vida Real, which I blogged about last year. I really enjoyed attending that large church service with all the singing and speaking in Spanish. We were able to understand due to headsets which picked up what a translator was saying. It was fun that we knew some of the songs in their English version so we just sang along in English as the congregation was singing in Spanish. This brought to mind thoughts of heaven where people of all nations and ethnic backgrounds will worship God together, perhaps each in their own native tongue.

Since I had been here last summer, Vida Real planted a new church in Antigua with Dr. Alb acting as a pastor and as part of the core team to start the church. Initially I was disappointed not to be going to Vida Real’s main campus, but I quickly revised my thoughts once we arrived. Though smaller, it was a vibrant congregation full of passion for the Lord. I truly enjoyed worshipping together with them, even though I didn’t understand all that was said. We had a translator like last year, but not everything was translated. It made for an interesting experience.

The church was in a sermon series called Social Networking. The pastor spoke on Fathers Day and male/female relationships. He warned us at the beginning of the service that he would be talking about sex during the sermon and they had child care for up to age 13 if we did not want our children present to hear it. I figured that my 11yo son had heard plenty at school and through friends about sex (with questionable accuracy) that hearing a Biblical perspective on sex would be beneficial. The pastor made numerous points over the course of his sermon, but a few stuck out to me:

He quoted the Bible verse that goes something like this: Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind (be careful what you read, look at, watch on TV or movies, and who you spend time with.)

Many couples spend much time and energy on planning the wedding and not on planning the marriage.
Love and respect are interdependent in marriage relationships, and the Bible teaches that a man should strive to show love to his wife and a woman should do her best to show respect to her husband. (From Ephesians 5:31-33, I think.)
He stated that remaining pure before marriage decreases baggage and gives the marriage a better chance of success. He also said that those who are married should be having lots of sex. Only with each other, of course!
He concluded with a music video of the song “Slow Fade” by Casting Crowns. The song says something like, “It’s the second glance that ties your hands…” That line reminded me of the quote by Martin Luther about lust…basically, that you cannot stop the birds from flying around your head, but you can stop them from making a nest in your hair. So the initial lustful though is not the sin, it’s the dwelling on it.

After lunch we went to Casa Para Ninos Aleluya. This is a children’s home for orphans or those whose parents cannot take care of them. Since I love babies I headed straight to the baby room. A sweet little girl about 2yo and I mutually took a liking to one another, so I spent most of the time holding and playing with her. I had a great time, but I was and am very concerned about her teeth. The front ones are rotted and brownish, and in the back ones I could see dark colored holes. Susan told me that MMM has a dentist arriving tomorrow, so I plan to relay my concerns to her and see if something can be done. I spoke to Dr. Alb about it and he said that she is probably new to the orphanage since they do a good job taking care of the children's teeth.

At first Jack wasn’t sure what he should do at the orphanage since our roles were not clear (which is the same way I felt last summer at my first visit). After some time he stationed himself at the swings and ran back and forth pushing 3 children on their swings. When the children were called in for dinner, Jack said, “Whew! I feel like I just ran a 3K.” Later he told Lori that so far the orphanage visit was the best part of our journey.

Tonight we packed food for tomorrow’s long journey into the northern part of Guatemala near Mexico. We are pretty sure that we won’t be able to post to the blog while we are there, so you probably won’t hear from us until Wednesday night or Thursday. The area we are going to is where we most risk contracting malaria or having stomach issues--your prayers appreciated!!

Departure Day-June 18, 2011

2011-06-18T07:54:00.000-04:00

My son Jack and I went to Guatemala in June for a mission trip with Medical Missions Ministries. I was one of the team bloggers and I'm reposting from that trip. This is my entry from June 18.

Usually I am the type of person whose eyes pop open just moments before my alarm goes off. However, this morning I awoke at 2:45 am and had a hard time going back to sleep because of my excitement about the trip. In addition, I was irrationally concerned that the alarm would not go off as planned at 5:10 am. After a few snippets of sleep with a lot of thinking and praying in between, the alarm indeed sounded and I hopped in the shower right on time.

Our team met in the church parking lot at 6 am and managed the small details of tagging all our luggage with our names and tying on bold, red ribbon with white polka-dots for easy bag identification. Melissa acted as luggage captain, providing the ribbons and getting an accurate bag count (18 bags plus 10 carry-ons). Bags of donated items were opened and checked by their new “owners” so that they could satisfy airport security if later asked what was inside. We had donated clothes, shoes, batteries, detergent, and a limited amount of medical equipment to take down in addition to our personal belongings.

Our team of 10 represents 6 families--Lori is aunt to 15yo Haley, Maia is mom to 10yo identical twins Bren and Jace, Jack is my 11yo son, and Melissa, Samantha (17yo), and Susan are traveling solo. Many of the families accompanied us to the airport so that we wouldn’t have to incur the expense and inconvenience of parking (I’m sure they also wanted to see us safely off on our trip). Before we left the parking lot at Perimeter, all of us joined hands in a circle and prayed. While all the prayers were precious, I was particularly touched by the prayers of Melissa’s 5yo daughter Becca, who prayed that we would be respectful to the people of Guatemala, and Lori’s prayer that we would all remember the words of 1 Corinthians 13 and serve in all the people with a Biblical kind of love.

Here is 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a:

Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not want what belongs to others. It does not brag. It is not proud. It is not rude. It does not look out for its own interests. It does not easily become angry. It does not keep track of other people’s wrongs. Love is not happy with evil. But it is full of joy when the truth is spoken. It always protects. It always trusts. It always hopes. It never gives up. Love never fails. (New International Reader‘s Version).

Susan closed out the prayer time with a great reminder that God has chosen us for this time and place, and to be on this trip. I can’t wait to see how God works through our team and in our own hearts, as well.

After praying we enjoyed the Dunkin Donuts coffee and bagels provided by Melissa’s husband Chris. (At this point one of my children who is not traveling with me began to cry. Though one may have assumed it was tears over my departure, it actually had to do with not getting the preferred flavor bagel.)

Four car-loads caravanned to Atlanta-Hartsfield International Airport, and we met up curbside at Delta’s International ticketing and check-in area. Though a few of the bags were within 1 or 2 pounds of the 50 lb. weight limit, we seemingly checked in without incident.

We split up as some of us wanted to use the bathrooms, and when we reconvened we couldn’t find Susan. We later found out that when we checked in with the boarding passes we printed at home, some of us received new boarding passes with seat assignments. The agent who printed Susan’s new boarding pass inadvertently checked the wrong box and Susan now held a boarding pass with Lori’s name on it. This caused numerous problems for Susan! Eventually it all worked out but it certainly added a little drama to the morning. Unfortunately, due to the mix-up Susan was on of the last to receive a seat assignment and she had to sit in the very back of the plane, and closely seated to at least one crying baby. As they say back home in Georgia, “Bless her heart!”

When Jack and I attempted to board, the gate agent alerted us that we were seated together in an exit row, but that only those 17 and older could sit there. Jack is 11, so they let us on the plane and told us to switch seats with someone. A woman one row behind offered to take Jack’s seat so that we could still be close to one another.

While I would have liked to sit by Jack, I really enjoyed conversing with my new seat-mate about her work with an orphanage in Guatemala. I found out that in 2007 new government took office and in 2009 the international adoption of Guatemalan children was halted. Prior to this new law about 4000 children were adopted out of Guatemala annually. According to my new acquaintance, the government did not make any provisions for what to do with and for the children who would have normally been adopted. To help with this crisis, she works at fundraising through a U.S. 501-c3 organization in order to shelter, educate, and feed 100-200 children from infancy through early adulthood. Her program sounded well thought-out. Rather than simply releasing the children at age 18, residents are able to be educated at the university or in a trade. As a side-note, she told me that groups of “feral children” roam area garbage dump in search of food, and that the death rate has escalated over the years since this new law was enacted. I don’t know much about Guatemalan government and I’m not trying to make a political statement, but orphan children roaming the streets sounds like a horrible scenario. Apparently it takes $3500/year to support each child in this particular orphanage.

I was writing that last paragraph as the flight attendant was announcing that we needed to put away all portable electronic devices. I thought you’d like to know that we are now safely in the ministry center.

When we claimed all the luggage on the turnstile, we were missing one bag. This caused us some hassle but in the end the bag was found.

We picked up McDonalds on the way to the ministry center so that we could have some lunch. We are now awaiting the team from Fellowship Bible Church to arrive so that we can go food shopping for the week.

I look forward to worshiping at church tomorrow! Lori and I will try to do at least one more post before we depart on Monday for rural Guatemala where we will likely be without internet connectivity until our return on Wednesday night.

Your prayers are appreciated!

1. Created Equal and 2. Equally Beloved

2010-10-06T16:33:00.000-04:00

Almost a month ago I promised that that my next post would address why I think that both Alexa and I both "deserve the same". I didn't think the post would be hard to write but for some reason I've had trouble articulating my thoughts on this and I've been sitting on a half-written post.

If you're not sure what I'm talking about, scroll down and find my last blog installment from September 10th, entitled, "Sowing and Reaping," and read that first. This is a follow up to that post in which I talked about how the Bible says that people (Alexa and myself included) generally reap what they sow. Considering my choices and her choices, I posited that because Alexa has sown little or bad seed and (though I'm far from perfect) I've sown better seed, I am reaping a more pleasant "harvest". But on two levels I believe that we are completely equal and therefore deserve the same.

Here I will insert a warning. If you reject the Bible as being true and accurate, you might just completely disagree with this blog entry because it's based on a Bibical worldview. But I would love for you to read on anyway.  If you get a good chuckle out of it, and that's okay with me.

When I met my husband Paul, he had a framed copy of Psalm 139 hanging on the wall of his bathroom. Here are verses 13 through 16:

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

And here's Genesis 1:27:
So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.

My point from the Psalm: God made you, me, and Alexa.
My point from Genesis: God made you, me, and Alexa in his own image.

Wow! I truly believe that in his infinite wisdom, God created the first man and the first woman, and me, and you, and Alexa, in his own likeness. And that he crafted each one of us personally and individually, with plans and purposes for our lives. So Alexa and I are both hand-wrought by God, formed perfectly to his precise specifications, and most certainly equal in that we were designed by God--each with our own special gifts and talents--different, but equal.

Even my friends who think I'm in Crazyland will probably agree with the above in a general sense. We are immersed in a culture that holds up equality and human rights and I'm proud that those things are valued in this place and time. The second sentence of our very own United States Declaration of Independence states, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights..." Yes, even if we differ on who created us and how we were created, we can probably all agree that Alexa and I were created equal as valuable individuals, and in that sense "deserve the same".

So I'm thinking we all agree on my first point--that Alexa and I are equal, and on that level we "deserve the same".  On to my second idea:

I took Elementary Education training in college, and I remember there I was presented with conflicting philosophies of children's behavior and basic character. One school of thought was the "tabula rasa", which if I recall correctly is the Latin phrase for "blank slate". The idea is that children are born not good nor evil, but as blank slates. This position holds that they learn their behaviors from the environment that surrounds them. Since it's been 15 to 20 years, I can't precisely remember what the competing idea was named, however, the gist was that children are born good and that any evil in them results from corrupting forces in the environment. Those were the only two possibilities taught to me as educational background theory of morality in children. Either they are born "blank slates" or they are "born good".

Umm, there seems to be another possibility. Perhaps in my educational training we should have explored the third logical possibility as well. In any case, the Bible takes the third position--that people are born not perfect, not blank slates, but actually born in a state of moral brokenness--that is, ever since "the fall". (This position may have helped me understand the student who threw a desk chair at me the first week I was teaching 4th grade!)

The Bible says that we all do wrong and we are "dead in our transgressions" and that we have no moral ability on our own to resurrect ourselves. I've heard my pastor Randy Pope give an illustration on this concept. Here's my retelling of it: Suppose one person dies peacefully in his sleep and is embalmed, dressed in his best clothes, and placed in a handsome mahogany coffin with cushioned interior. Now imagine another man who dies in the woods and is not found for three weeks. It is the middle of summer and the man as been exposed to the elements and the wildlife of the forest for 21 days. In you mind's eye, take a look at the two men side-by-side.

Which one is more dead?

Duh, they are both equally dead, even though one smells worse. My point here being that although Alexa does illegal drugs, has no money, has a criminal record, etc., it's only that she "smells worse" than me. While I don't show as many outer signs of brokeness, Alexa and I are both unholy individuals in the eyes of a perfectly holy God. Without his redemption of us both, we would both be completely lost.

Last week Alexa shared with me that she believes in God and has a relationship with him through his son Jesus Christ. She asked me to take her to church next week if she's still in the area.    No matter what we smell like, I believe that Alexa and I are both beloved by Almighty God.  Neither of us deserves his love, but he gives it to us anyway. Amen and hallelujah.

Sowing and Reaping

2010-09-10T09:34:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago I posted this as my status on Facebook:

Just say you had been saving to update your kitchen with granite, new decor, stainless appliances, and a remodeled island. You now have enough $$. You meet a family with no furniture, no money to get their kids routine medical care, wearing clothes with holes, and eating what food stamps will provide. You help them ...somewhat, but will you feel good updating your kitchen when you could be helping them?

This was not a hypothetical scenario. I really do have money to update my kitchen and I know a family in these terrible physical and financial circumstances. Since my post the family was threatened with eviction and I found out they owe $2700 in back rent. This is in addition to their over $900 in back car payments, medical bills that include a recent 3 week hospitalization with no insurance, and probably other financial black holes I don't know about.

My post generated numerous comments and two in particular got me thinking. One friend encouraged me. She said that I should be happy that I had helped the family and that I had saved the money--and that I deserved the updated kitchen. Quickly another friend chimed in and focused on the word deserved, wondering whether the other family deserved their horrible circumstances.

Since then I've thought a lot about what I deserve.

Both the mom of this family, Alexa (name changed), and I started our lives with similar circumstances. Since we each now live in Georgia, I think it's unusual that both she and I grew up about 40 miles apart in New Jersey. We both had married parents and one younger sibling. Our moms were the same age when they had us. I'm pretty sure our two families had similar annual income.

However, at some point our life stories diverged.

I babysat and waitressed, saving half of my income to use in college and buying my clothes out of the remaining money. I joined sports teams, participated in numerous extracurricular activities, and studied well enough to earn good grades. In high school Alexa joined a gang, and by age 17 she was no longer in school and living with her boyfriend. By then she had already given birth to her oldest child, and she left him behind when she moved out.

I went to college and eventually earned a masters degree. I later married and had three children.  Alexa and her boyfriend committed insurance fraud, which resulted in criminal record.  Her six children have three fathers, which makes life more complicated. Her current relationship involves domestic violence, which she both gives and gets.

I use coupons when going out to dinner and at the grocery store. Each month I pay extra principal on my mortgage so I can pay off my house sooner. I keep putting off the Disney vacation because it seems extravagant. Her car lease is beyond her budget and she relies upon friends, family, and various ministries to bail her out when she cannot make the payments. She's on public assistance for food, child care, and now medical care. Though she's on food stamps, this week Alexa complained to me that "she picked up Chinese food" and no one appreciated her effort in getting it. Today she has no gas in her car, but she's been to Disney two times in the past three years.

While I've certainly made numerous mistakes along the way, overall I'm thinking I've made better choices. So does that mean I deserve my better life situation?

Yes and no. Today I'll talk about the "yes" part.

I think the principle of "sowing and reaping" applies here. I knew "sowing and reaping" was a Biblical concept, but a quick Bible Gateway search showed me that it's in numerous Bible illustrations. In the more agricultural community of a couple thousand years ago, I think farming illustrations would be easy to understand. In general--you plant good seed, you get a good harvest. Plant little or bad seed and reap a poor harvest. Sowing and reaping is mentioned in Job and Proverbs, Luke and 2 Corinthians, and many other Bible books. Here it is in Galatians 6:7, "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows." While the Bible says that this doesn't apply in every individual case (at least from our vantage point here in the world) it is a general principle that holds true.

Sow crime, buy what you can't afford, and the results won't be good.

This week I found out that Alexa has just gone back on illegal drugs, causing her to delay acting when the baby is crying or when the 3 year is uncomfortable because she had "an accident" and is sitting around in messy pants. Buying drugs certainly can't help the family budget, and it's a barrier in getting and keeping a job, and gets in the way of adequately mothering her 5 young children. She's continuing to scatter bad seed.

So that's my "yes" answer.  In many ways I have sown a different kind of seed compared to Alexa, and I'm reaping a better harvest.

I tried to type, "It feels uncomfortable to say it, but I deserve more than she deserves," as the conclusion to the last paragraph. But I deleted it at least twice, and you will notice I didn't leave in in there. Regarding the principle of sowing and reaping, I do deseve more.

However, that's not the whole story.

(Don't even get me started on the children, because her children don't deserve the terrible atmosphere they are living in, just as mine don't particularly deserve the material comfort that surrounds them.)

So I'll address the "no" aspect--why I don't deserve more--in my next post. I'm hoping that one will be more fun to write.

The Divine Pursuit

2010-09-03T08:21:00.000-04:00

I'm new to the blogging thing and I'm thrilled that Nicole Unice has shared this guest post with me. And I'm not just saying that because her children share approximately 25% of my DNA (for those of you not as much of a biology dork as I am, I'll just tell you that she's married to my brother). I met Nicole when she was a bright-eyed just-turned-16 college freshman, and though she's quite a bit younger than I am I have learned a lot from her. When she started blogging I remember saying to my mother, "I didn't think it was possible, but I actually love Nicole more now since I've been reading her blog." So, I encourage you to subscribe to The Stubborn Servant and to take part in the online community she is launching on September 15th. If you're in the Atlanta area like I am, I think you'd really enjoy coming to hear her speak at WOW on October 6th.

Here's Nicole:

Becoming a counselor is a weird sort of schooling. What other graduate program teaches you how to listen, ask good questions, and read interpersonal dynamics? Who but future counselors study nonverbal cues, birth order, and “solution-focused questions?” Counseling techniques easily transform into entertaining party tricks: “Let me guess,” I imagine saying to my unsuspecting acquaintance while swirling my drink, “your deepest fear is turning into your mother, whom you find yourself resembling more each day?”

There’s another side to studying therapist techniques. Developing questions that pry back even the hardest shell takes practice. And there’s only one person that accompanies me to sleep, to the bathroom, to work—other than my toddler. It’s me. I am the unwilling recipient of my own therapy.

So I paid attention when I got all emotional about the story of Jonah. Do you know him? The bible Jonah, the telling-God-N-O Jonah, the swallowed-by-a-fish Jonah? Think way back to Vacation Bible School. You probably sang a song about him or maybe smoothed him up on a feltboard next to a smiling whale.

Jonah disobeys and isn’t loving, or at least, that’s the point when we tell the VBS version. But when I prepared a teaching series for a women’s group on the book of Jonah, I found myself stirred up, almost resentful, of what Jonah had become in those children’s stories. Like Jonah is a flat caricature painted by a heavenly hand to make us feel good about ourselves. Hey, at least I didn’t have to be swallowed by a big fish to listen to God. At least I wouldn’t defy God like that.

I got emotional because I thought Jonah could have had some reasons for running. That maybe following God’s orders and going to Nineveh was something excruciatingly hard for Jonah, something that felt impossible to do.

And then the therapist in me listened closely and asked a piercing question: “Hmmm….interesting. What are your Ninevehs?”

Hmmm is right.

I pondered my own Ninevehs and the Ninevehs of those I’ve counseled. I thought about the pattern of fleeing, obeying and resisting God found in Jonah—and found in me. I considered the things in life that would make me want to lob a fat N-O in God’s face, modern-Day Ninevehs like:

Living joyfully in difficult relationships.

Struggling through a hard marriage (or waiting on a good one).

Fighting with addictions.

Battling fear.

Making peace with the past. Wrestling with unforgiveness. Learning to wait. Embracing uncertainity. Raising difficult children. Choosing to care for aging parents. Going back to work when you want to stay home. Having children. Not having children. And the list goes on….

Holy Spirit calling: Jonah is me.

Jonah is you, too, if you’ve ever wanted space from God. If you’ve ever escaped from Him in heart or in action. Jonah is you if you’ve ever wondered how or why God would talk to you—and if you would obey. I know one thing: Jonah’s not a platitude to mount on a cross-stitch and hang in the bathroom. It’s raw, real life. It’s one of the many things I love about God--the way He enters our disheveled reality. The way He knows our crazy souls. And the way He shows us His soul for us, and for all his creation.

If you can relate, take heart, and take another look at Jonah. You might just find a friend.

Nicole Unice is a counselor and blogger working in family ministry at Hope Church in Richmond, VA. Her six-week guided study of Jonah, The Divine Pursuit, is available as a printed version or free download on her website. An online community using The Divine Pursuit begins 9/15.

We have a situation, part 1

2010-08-23T13:31:00.001-04:00

Providing emergency crisis care for kids through Safe Families has given me new insight into the world around me, the Atlanta outside my insulated bubble-world, the Atlanta that is in many cases less than one mile away.

In February we got our first placement of a newborn baby boy I will call Andrew (all names have been changed). At only two days out of his mother's womb, already Andrew could be considered homeless. His 20 year old mother Anna was unemployed and had been living with a friend without contributing money toward rent. Anna already had a one year old, Kiara, and her friend had drawn the line at two free houseguests. I also think the friend had reservations about adding a newborn baby to the mix of residents in a small apartment. Anna's living situation was made even more precarious due to the fact that her hostess' boyfriend was incarcerated and soon to be released. He certainly did not want an extra little family-of-three inhabiting "his" home. Anna had no money, no job, and also no desire to give up her little boy.

But what resources did she have? Her mom was deceased, her dad was not a topic she was willing to discuss with me, and she had emancipated herself from the State foster care system at the age of 16. Due to her bad experience in foster care, she refused to place Andrew under its authority. She had a smattering of aunts and cousins in the area, but they had their own commitments of time and finances and couldn't or wouldn't help her with the baby.

You may be wondering how she was able to keep Kiara, her one year old. I have learned that a small bit of support can really make a difference. The father of her one year old was, in my opinion, a deadbeat dad. The father of sweet baby Andrew was such a deadbeat he did not even acknowledge paternity. Neither gave the young mom any help. However, deadbeat #1's mother helped Anna out with an occasional 20 bucks for diapers or formula, and would babysit her granddaughter when Anna had something important to do. With just Kiara, Anna could squeak by with food stamps, free housing, and was able to interview for jobs while her daughter was in the grandmother's care.

This small amount of support was the difference between keeping Kiara and eventually placing Andrew for adoption. We had the privilege of raising Andrew for two months and meeting his mom for weekly visits as she tried to improve her situation. Ideally, Anna would get a job, find an apartment, and have hope for her future. But, eventually things got worse and Anna made a decision to relinquish her parental rights in order to place Andrew in a stable family.

It truly was a sacrificial love offering for Anna to place her baby in a waiting family when she actually wanted to keep him. I know it was the best thing for him, since his mom went from staying-with-a-friend homeless to actually-on-the-streets homeless. Even under these circumstances it was difficult to watch her go through the process of making an excruciating decision. It was also a struggle for me to decide not to take out my magical checkbook or ATM card and "solve all her problems" with the stroke of a pen or by swiping a piece of plastic. Through discussion, prayer, and careful consideration of the purposes and policies of Safe Families, Paul and I came to the conclusion not to give her cash (or let her live in our basement). We fed and clothed her baby for 2 months, and gave her help with material items for Kiara, but that was our boundary line.

I really miss Andrew, and I know Anna must ache for him exponentially more than I do. I released my identity and contact information to Andrew's new family, but they have chosen not to contact me.

Just days before being taken out of my home, he had begun to smile. His wobbly smile is now etched in my mind and preserved in numerous photos on my cell phone. I have many photos of Andrew taken with a high resolution digital camera, but the only good smiling ones have terrible clarity and are stuck on my phone. I'll never erase them.

For years I had been living in Happyland suburbia with gates-on-all-the-stairs, a protected place with caller ID and monitored alarm systems. A safe place where all the surprises are good ones. Now I've felt called to pop the bubble and open my home and heart to kids in crisis. It's not all rainbows and unicorns. But it's a good thing.

Dogs/Danger/Discernment

2010-07-25T13:43:00.001-04:00

I love the dog park. It's joy, unadultarated--dogs loping, running, occasionally tussling and tumbling. It had been too long so I headed there with our dog Samson a few days ago. The poor puppy had not had much exercise over several weeks, so despite the 98 degree weather he was extremely excited to arrive. I was looking forward to it as well. Probably due to the heat, there were only three other dog owners there for a combined total of 7 dogs.

I became immediately uncomfortable with one of them, a pit bull that appeared young--perhaps one year old. There were two other pits, and I didn't have a fondness for them either, but I wasn't concerned. When the nervous sensation kept coming back, I prayed, "God, why am I so anxious about this dog? Give me a peace that passes understanding in this situation, that only you can give me." This was my own prayerful paraphrase of Philippians 4:6-7, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made know to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Yet no new sense of peace came over me.

I tried to talk some sense into myself by reasoning that dogs who come to dog parks are socialized to other dogs and humans, and shouldn't make me uncomfortable at all. Only owners who are confident that their dogs are friendly, or at least not dangerous, would bring them to the dog park. No amount of self-talk, no matter how peppy, made me feel better. I started thinking about leaving, but it seemed so silly since Samson had not had his fill of exercise yet.

The other dog owners started talking to one another. Turns out they were all part of a pit bull rescue and they were meeting to exchange the dog that made me uncomfortable. He had been found the previous day roaming in a parking lot. A pit bull. Found yesterday. No known history around other dogs or humans. Bye, bye, dog park.

Later in the day when Paul and I were doing P90X in the basement, Becca reported that she couldn't find Garrett. We told her to look in his room, the playroom, the back yard, the garage, and basically everywhere he likes to go. This was not that unusual of a situation. We have a big house, and Becca's really not very thorough. But I suddenly had an inexplicable and very unsettled feeling. Paul and I stopped our workout and began to search. We couldn't find him anywhere.

I began to feel panicky, and lifted another prayer to God. "God, where is Garrett? Please show me." Moments later I opened up our coffee table, which has a storage area for blankets. I screamed. Garrett was in there, asleep. This is an 8 year old boy who for some unknown reason decided to crawl into a small, confined space and fall asleep. I don't think there are any air holes or ventilation. I can't explain why I opened the coffee table since it wasn't a logical place to look for a boy, except I thank God for leading me there.

Some days am not quite sure what I'm doing, or why I'm doing it, but one thing I do know. I know who to go to when I don't know. Isn't that at least a tiny seedling of wisdom?

Self-control, on sale for a limited time!

2010-07-21T12:27:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I browsed around my church bookstore, an activity edifying to my spirit but hazardous to my pocketbook. While I consider myself thrifty, here I'm glad to open my purse wide and dump all my money on the counter. And I do it with a smile on my face! Here are the top 3 reasons I give myself for this behavior:

1. I volunteer to run a church ministry. Many books here would be helpful to me in preparing to serve. Surely everyone would agree that serving others is commendable. So, I should buy some books.

2. I have 3 children and my top priority is raising them up to love God with their whole hearts, souls, and minds. I should purchase and read my children all of the books in this store. Since I don't have time for that, I should buy many of these books and place them in locations around my home. My kids will be sure to see them, and maybe decide to read them. The one who hasn't started elementary school yet can look at the pictures.

3. This is a bookstore at my church, so surely some of the profits from this store go to church ministries. I love supporting church ministries. Buying lots of books here is like an offering over and above my tithe.

As I checked out the items in the store I came across some cute girls' bracelets, each with a fruit of the spirit written on it in plastic letter beads. I'm referring to the fruit listed in the Bible book of Galatians, where it says, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control; against such things there is no law." (To read this verse in context, go here.) The passage tells me that I cannot achieve all of these qualities on my own, but with the help of God's Spirit, there is a way. Through God's Spirit indwelling me, I can myself show love, joy, peace, and patience. I'm pretty good with living out the love and joy part, but what about patience and self-control?

I decided to support my local church and buy (among other things) several of these bracelets. (Who needs self-control in a church bookstore, right?) For my sweet Becca I bought "love" and "joy". For myself I bought "faithfulness", "patience", and "self control". I was thinking about other people shopping for these cute, little-girl style bracelets. It seems the demand for "love" would exceed the demand for "self control". I only know a bit about economics, but perhaps a sale on self control is in order?

So for now I'm wearing the bracelet "patience". When I see it on my wrist I am reminded to pray that God's Spirit would work in me and help me be patient with everyone around me. At least a little bit, it's working.